so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
