you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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