Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
