idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
