it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
