Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
