his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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