I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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