i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
