Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
