My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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