haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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