hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
