You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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