He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
