I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize