none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
