Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
