it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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