A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
