I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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