Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
