Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
