Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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