dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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