I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize