Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You smell like a Billy Joel song
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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