I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
