The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
