did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
