dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
