Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
