You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
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