So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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