Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Randomize
