i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
