Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
