if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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