My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
