Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
