I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
