I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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