You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
