went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
