We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
