sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
