Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
