If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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