i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
