I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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