My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
