Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
