Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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