I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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