I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
