look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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