i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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