cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
