She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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