Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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