She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
