I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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