he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
