No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
