Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
