Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Umm I'm too high to move.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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